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Transcript:
Greg Stone: Good afternoon! How’s everybody doing? Tom McMahon came into my office and he told me I’d be teaching after lunchtime, which is, in his words, “napping hour.” So that either means two things: Tom thinks that what I have to preach on isn’t important enough, or maybe just enough to get us out of that napping mood. Hopefully it’s the latter! I guess we’re about to find out.
Well, if you will, please turn in your Bibles to Colossians 3. We’re going to pick up in verse 18—Colossians:3:18Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.
See All.... Once you find your place there, please also mark in your Bibles Ephesians:5:22Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
See All.... Again, that is Colossians:3:18Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.
See All..., and Ephesians:5:22Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
See All....
The letter to the Colossian church by the Apostle Paul can be divided up into four major sections: doctrine, defense, devotion, and duty. In chapter 1, Paul taught on doctrine, specifically doctrine surrounding our wonderful Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. And he teaches us some incredible things, such as the supremacy of truth, the power of redemption, most notably the preeminence of Jesus, the fullness of reconciliation by the cross, and the mystery of Christ dwelling in us. Chapter 1 of Colossians is probably one of the most truly incredible chapters in the entire Word of God, well worth every ounce of study we can give it.
In chapter 2, Paul moves into the defense for Christ, to thwart off the many heresies that were going around the early church, many of those which still today are trying to impact the church in various forms.
And then in chapter 3, Paul moves into our devotion unto Christ. And then when we arrive here in verse 18 of Colossians 3, Paul begins his fourth and final major section in this letter: our duty—our duty as Christians. And starting in this verse, the rest of this letter is dedicated to practical application of the Christian faith. If we really believe that Christ is Lord, that He is our Redeemer, the preeminent One deserving of all glory, honor, and praise as we were just singing a moment ago, if we’re really devoted to Him as we say that we are, then we will take the practical application of what Paul says next with utmost reverence.
And what we’re going to learn this afternoon is it starts with our marriages. And the principles we’re going to learn this afternoon are very simple, but they’re also extremely profound and powerful truths in the Word of God that can take a dysfunctional family and transform it into a healthy and a healed family. These truths will transform a fragmented home into a faithful home. A rebellious home into a repentant one. A bitter marriage into a blessed marriage. From ineffective, tedious work into a loving and joyful relationship. And I can say all of this from firsthand experience. I’ve not only seen these simple truths of God’s Word transform families for the joy and for God’s glory when it’s abided by, including my own family. But I’ve also seen how, when these biblical principles are ignored, it always, and I do mean it always, is for the worsening and destruction of those families. Every single time.
So with that said, let’s begin with a word of prayer. Let’s ask the Lord to speak to us this afternoon, and then we’re going to dig right in.
Jesus, we thank you for your Word, and that it is so powerful, and it’s true, and it’s applicable. We ask, Holy Spirit, that you would speak to our lives, and that you would provide the application. To those of us in here who are married, as husbands, that we would have ears to hear what your Spirit has to say to the church. As wives, ears, Lord, to hear what the Spirit has to say.
Lord, for those in here, or those who will eventually watch this online who are not yet married, that they would take these matters to heart, to know how to be a godly husband or a godly wife.
Lord, I pray that you’d be honored through the teaching of your Word. I pray, Lord, that you’d help me to speak as the Apostle Peter says, as the “oracle of God,” with good interpretation and with clarity, that your Word would land on good soil on our hearts, that it would bear fruit in our lives. And we ask this in your precious name, amen.
All right, we’re going to pick up in Colossians 3, and if you don’t mind, for context, I’d like to start our reading back in verse 1, because Paul’s thoughts really are related and compounded upon each other. So Colossians:3:1If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God.
See All..., and we’re going to read all the way through the chapter, or at least read through verse 21, I should say.
“If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth. For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is our life appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory.
“Therefore put to death your members which are on the earth: fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. Because of these things the wrath of God is coming upon the sons of disobedience, in which you yourselves once walked when you lived in them.
But now you yourselves are to put off all these: anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth. Do not lie to one another, since you have put off the old man with his deeds, and have put on the new man who is renewed in knowledge according to the image of Him who created him, where there is neither Greek nor Jew, circumcised nor uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave nor free, but Christ is all and in all.
“Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.
“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them. Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.”
If you will read with me one more time verses 18 and 19, which is going to be the verses for our study this afternoon.
“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.”
Now if you will, please turn over to Ephesians:5:22Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
See All.... Paul speaks in a similar fashion to the church in Ephesus with a few added details: “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. ‘For this reason a man shall leave father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless, let each of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and the let wife see that she respects her husband.”
You can turn back over now to Colossians 3. The title of the message that I’d like to share with you this afternoon is “Marriage as Unto Christ.” And let me start by saying something of vital importance about these verses: I will not and never will apologize for what the Holy Scriptures say regarding sexuality, gender roles, marriage, parenting, and family life. Nor will I stand up here and pretend that these verses are difficult to interpret. They’re not difficult to interpret. They’re very straightforward and simple.
And quite frankly, I’m sick of hearing pastors and Bible teachers hide like cowards behind popular cultural trends and act like these verses don’t actually mean what they say, as if they have to apologize to the world for the Word of God. I’m not worried about living countercultural to a kingdom that is under the sway of the wicked one. I don’t give a rip. I am concerned about living countercultural to the kingdom of God.
I recently read by someone that Satan’s plan is for men to be boys, for women to be men, and for children to be unwanted, and that is so true. But it starts with the attack on the marriage.
The problem is never God’s Word, never! The problem is us. We’re the rebels, remember? Not the Lord. We’re the sinners, not God. We’re the ones that need change and sanctification, not God’s Word, amen?
So this afternoon I’m going to do what I always am strongly committed to doing, which is simply to interpret what the Scriptures mean and how it applies to each and every single one of us. And if you need family transformation of any kind, the answer always starts in these verses.
So what does it mean for wives to be submissive to their husbands? What kind of love are husbands to show their wives? Is it really essential to a healthy and godly marriage?
Now before we get into our points this morning, allow me to first bring to your attention five observations from verses 18-19 in this section of Scripture which I believe will help us interpret them properly.
First, I want you to notice that each person is responsible to take heed unto themselves. Wives are to heed their own command concerning themselves, and husbands are to heed their own command concerning themselves. It is not the objective of the wife to get her husband to follow the Lord’s instructions. Nor is it the husband’s objective to get his wife to follow the Lord’s instructions for her.
Too often we’re concerned with each other’s roles and not our own. I would guarantee that when I read, “Wives, submit to your husbands,” the ears of all the husbands perked up. Woo! And when I read, “Husbands, love your wives,” the wives were elbowing their husbands! I saw a few of you in here doing that.
Contrary to what the world says, nowhere in the Bible or Christian doctrine are husbands commanded to “subdue their wives,” as it’s often misinterpreted to mean. And nowhere are wives allowed to manipulate their husbands to love them. You see, it’s in our sinful nature to ignore what is our stewardship from God and be more concerned with what someone else ought to be doing for us. We’re all a bunch of sin sniffers, as it were. We’ve heard it said, we’re called to be faithful, to act selflessly, to the commands that are directed to us.
Now, it’s not that husbands cannot address their wives, or that wives cannot address their husband, but we ought to be more concerned of our own stewardship that God has given us, because that is what we are held accountable for before the Lord, not someone else’s.
A second observation is we have to notice that these commands are not conditional upon how the other person is operating or behaving. If the wife is unsubmissive, the husband is not let off from loving his wife as Christ loves the church. If the husband is unloving, the wife is not let off from being submissive to her husband. “Oh, I’ll listen to him when he stops being a bonehead!” Sorry, that day is probably not going to come! Just doesn’t happen that way. “Well, I’ll love her when she starts submitting!” No, sir! Praise God, He doesn’t stop loving us when we stop submitting to Him! We’re called to love our wives as Christ loves the church.
A third observation: we have to understand that each person, more often than not, gets what they need and want in their marriage relationship when they are good stewards of their God-given role. When the husband loves his wife as he ought to, they’ll often get the respect that he needs and he desires. When the wife respects her husband as she ought to, she’ll get the adoration and honor that she often craves and needs and desires.
God has created us to need each other. But selfishness is what gets us to focus on what we want rather than what the other person needs. And so we fight tooth and nail with the other person to get them to give us what we think we deserve, only it’s to no avail. But God has designed it in such a way that when we’re willing to crucify our selfishness and serve our spouse as God has outlined in His Word, we find that it is reciprocated by the other person in the most loving, respectful, and beautiful way.
A fourth observation I want you to notice is we have to realize that because these commands are built on God’s design for the family, they are not old school. They are original. They’re original commands. They’re not old-fashioned, they’re God-fashioned. They’re the archetype, the prototype, the pattern of how all relationships were designed to be by God.
Years ago, before my wife and I were married, we actually attended a marriage conference while we were engaged. It was very small. It was a closed circle conference for pastors and leaders of about 30 people. And the speaker said something that both my wife and I have never forgotten. He said, “Marriage is the only piece of paradise we got to take out of the Garden of Eden with us.” I’ve always loved that quote! It’s true. But it’s only true and it’s only paradise if we’re willing to do marriage and family as it was designed in paradise, in the Garden of Eden.
Well, one final observation before we get into the commands of Paul, this is perhaps the most important of all: Jesus is the real and ultimate reason why we are carefully to follow these instructions by the Apostle Paul. It’s all for Jesus. Notice that Paul constantly brings Christ as the reason for our commitment to our spouses and to our families.
Colossians:3:18Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.
See All...: “Wives, submit to your husbands as is fitting to the Lord.”
Ephesians:5:25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
See All...: “Husbands, love your wives just as Christ has loved the church.”
“Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord.”
“Fathers, don’t provoke your children, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.”
It’s always the Lord! He’s always the reason.
So maybe you’re right, wives. Maybe your husband doesn’t deserve your respect and submission under him. But Jesus does, who has redeemed you and washed you. Submit to your husband as unto the Lord.
You’re right, husbands, maybe your wife doesn’t deserve your adoration and love. But the Lord Jesus does. Do it as unto the Lord. Love your wife as Christ loves the church, because He commanded you to.
And this comes hot off the heels of the previous verse in Colossians:3:17And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.
See All...—remember what Paul said: “Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.”
So even if you feel you have a case against your spouse not to give them what the Scriptures command, are you willing to build that same case against your Lord who has redeemed you, who was the Lamb slain before the foundations of the world on your behalf?
We don’t do this because it’s deserved by any individual, we do it because Jesus deserves our all. He saved our souls from hell, and we cannot love one another as Scriptures command without Him. We should be doing it for Him. There is no excuse.
So with that said, let’s look at these two commands by Paul, and yes, they are commands given by him about the marriage to the church. Starting in verse 18, the first command is concerning wives. “Wives, submit to your own husbands as is fitting in the Lord.”
The Greek word here for submission is an important word. It’s the Greek word hupotasso. It’s a compound of two separate Greek words—the first one hupo, which means under; and the second one, tasso, means to appoint, or to arrange, or to place. And so, more literally, it means “to be appointed under, to be placed under.” In this context, it is the wife who is to hupotasso herself unto her husband. She is to willingly place herself under her husband’s headship, his leadership, and his authority. She is not unequal to her husband in life, principle, spirit, and soul, but she is outranked by her husband in authority and leadership both in marriage and in matters of the home.
Now, we see this in everyday life, this principle of submission. Does not the employer outrank the employee? Does not the police officer outrank the civilian in matters of law and order? Or the lieutenant outrank the soldier in the military? Isn’t there a captain for every team, and a director for every orchestra? It’s common sense. It’s what makes society function. It’s what keeps things in order and accountable. There’s always a chain of command. Even in the animal kingdom, God has instinctively installed this everywhere that we see. So how is it, when we want to apply this in the home, that our godless world suddenly labels it as extreme? We believe hupotasso is important in nearly every context of human life, and yet the world mocks God by saying it’s not important for the marriage? Do they even know what they’re talking about?
God has established order in the home, in the family life, and God has made the head of each home the husband. Therefore, Paul says wife ought to submit to their husbands, as has been ordained by God.
Now, to further establish the importance of this principle in the home, Paul has put this verb hupotasso in the imperative tone in the original language. It’s a command, it’s a must. It’s not a suggestion. An unsubmissive wife is not only a grief to her husband, she is in rebellion against Christ, and has chosen to live in a way that is contrary to God’s design for the marriage.
To be sure that this command to Christian wives is not limited to Paul’s day, we see this elsewhere in the New Testament, that the hupotasso for wives is taught for two specific reasons. First, because it was God’s fundamental and original order for creation and design. Paul would say in 1 Timothy:2:13For Adam was first formed, then Eve.
See All... that Adam was formed first, then Eve. Adam was formed first as the leader, and then Eve was formed from Adam to come under him as a helpmeet. Adam and Eve, before there was culture, society, politics, trends, any of that stuff, they were God’s perfect archetype for marriage, for family life, for original design in how God intended them to operate in love toward one another.
Secondly, the hupotasso is taught not only because it’s God’s original design for the home, but perhaps more importantly, it’s even God’s design for his own Godhead, as it were. There’s an order even within the Trinity! Christ submits to the Father, and the Holy Spirit submits to Christ. First Corinthians 11:3, Paul says, “I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.” But would we ever say that Christ is inferior to the Father? Certainly not. He is equal with God in every way. They’re equally God in perfect unity within the Godhead. And yet Christ submits to the Father, and Christ is our example.
Paul also uses the church and Christ as his example to the Ephesian church, we which just read. “Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is head of the wife as also Christ is head of the church, the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.”
In fact, so serious is this duty for the wife, that Paul says in Titus 2 that women should love their husbands and their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands. Why? That the Word of God may not be blasphemed. That’s what’s on the line. When the Apostle Peter said himself, “Wives, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the Word, they without a word may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.” That’s 1 Peter:3:1-2 [1] Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
[2] While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
See All....
So the question remains: why is it, then, that our culture strongly resists such a simple and straightforward instruction for the home? Why is it that, if God designed it to be this way, that the idea of wives submitting to their husbands is something that feels contrary to our nature? It’s because it is contrary to our nature, that is, to your sinful nature. And this was proclaimed by God himself all the way back in the Garden after Adam and Eve sinned. God said to the now-sinful Eve in her sin, and He laid out the consequences of what would change in her nature because of what sin would do to her motivations.
To the woman, God said in Genesis:3:16Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.
See All..., “Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.” That word “desire” doesn’t mean she desire her husband more intimately. It means that she would desire to take over her husband, to take his position.
And we know this because this is the exact same Hebrew phrase that God gives to Cain in the next chapter of Genesis when God warns Cain, “Sin lies at the door, and its desire is for you.” That is, to take over you, which it did, and Cain murdered his brother Abel.
Wives, unless you put off the old nature, as Paul said in Colossians:3:9Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds;
See All..., and you put on the new nature that you find in Christ, you will find yourself acting contrary to your husbands’ leadership, not for any other reason than that it’s in your sinful nature. You will oppose his direction no matter how good and how loving he may be just because within you is a nature that wants to overtake you, or overtake him. And that’s why only in Christ our sinful nature needs to die at the cross.
Paul closes his command to wives with an important statement: he says, “Do this as is fitting in the Lord.” In Ephesians, Paul says it this way: “As unto the Lord.” This is of primary importance, and he gives context to this command as well as purpose and moral boundaries.
First, submissiveness to your husband is fitting in the Lord and should be done under the Lord. That’s a good boundary. The respect that you give your husband should ultimately be driven by your respect for Christ. Your submissiveness is only fitting—I’m sorry, if your submissiveness is only fitting when it benefits you, then you will find yourself more and more at odds with your husband and against the Lord.
But notice secondly, submissiveness to your husband is not only fitting in the Lord, but it must be fitting in the Lord. In other words, this command comes with clear moral boundaries and obvious exceptions when the command does not apply. Paul is not commanding wives to submit herself to abuse, of course, or immorality, or in violation of her own conscience before God. It must be fitting in the Lord, and this of course would not be. And so in such extreme cases, we go to Acts 4: “We ought to obey God rather than men.”
And so to all the wives in here who follow the Lord Jesus Christ, are you submissive to your husband? Are you respectful to his leadership? If you are disrespectful, if you are walking in a lack of submission to your head, to your husband, you need to repent. You need to repent. And if you’re unsure about the answer, just ask your husband if there’s any areas in your marriage he feels disrespected or feels that his leadership is ignored. Trust me, he knows. He knows where it’s at, and you may be surprised where it’s at, so don’t get defensive. Listen and prayerfully consider his words. It’s conversations like these that take marriages to the next level of joy and peace that God has intended them to experience.
Well, we said that there’s two commands that Paul gives. The first one is in verse 18 toward wives, the second one is found in verse 19 toward husbands. Husbands, buckle up. Here we go.
Verse 19: “Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.” Seemingly more obvious command to the husbands, but it’s really not. The word for “love” here is not what the original leaders in Colosse would expect. The two most common words for “love” in Greek were eros and phileo, as you may be familiar. Eros was the heights of romantic and erotic love, which is where we get that word erotic—eros. Phileo was the heights of friendly love. And it wasn’t until the teachings of Christ that the word agape love was put on the map, a love redefined by Jesus as divine, selfless, and serving. As you may have guessed, Paul is not commanding here an eros love toward the wife, nor phileo love. Men, we’ve got to do more than romance and get friendly. Paul commands husbands, “Agape love your wives.” Agape love them. You are to exercise an agape loving leadership, not a dictatorship.
In the letter to the Ephesians, Paul goes as far as to say, “Husbands, agape love your wives even as Christ has agape loved the church.” Wow! How is it that Christ has loved the church? Let’s take a quick survey.
First, Christ has loved us through self-sacrifice and servitude. Jesus said in Matthew:20:28Even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.
See All..., “The Son of Man [speaking of Himself] did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.”
Husbands, do we lead our home to be served or to serve? Do we lead our wives to be served or to give our lives for them each and every day?
A second way that we see that Christ has loved the church is unconditionally and without condemnation. Paul says in Romans:8:1There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.
See All..., “There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus.” And also verse 35 of Romans 8: “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?” Nothing! “Tribulation, distress, persecution, famine, nakedness, peril, or sword, none of these things will separate us from the love of Christ.”
Husbands, is our love unconditional? Or are we condemning and critical? It needs to stop.
Thirdly, Christ has loved the church with an interceding kind of love. In Romans:8:34Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us.
See All..., Paul says, “Who is he who condemns? It is Christ who died, and furthermore has also risen, who is even at the right hand of God, who also makes intercession for us.”
And also Hebrews:7:25Wherefore he is able also to save them to the uttermost that come unto God by him, seeing he ever liveth to make intercession for them.
See All...: “Christ always lives to make intercession for us.”
Husbands, are we interceding for our wives? Do we step in and guard her from insecurities, from attacks, from fears? Or do we just tell her to suck it up and get over it? That’s not how Christ loves us. We’re called to intercede for her.
Another way that Christ loves the church is that He bears all of the church’s burdens. First Peter 5:7, Peter tells us that we can cast all of our care upon Him, because He cares for us.
Need I mention that we as husbands are to be the embodiment of 1 Corinthians 13, the chapter of love? “Love suffers long and is kind. Love does not envy, does not parade itself, is not puffed up, does not behave rudely, does not seek its own. It’s not provoked, thinks no evil, does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things.”
Husbands, if we want to lead in anything, then let us put all of our effort in leading through selfless love. To love our wives as Christ has selflessly loved the church.
It’s worth mentioning that such a command, to love as Christ loves the church, comes with an extraordinary responsibility. Extraordinary intentionality and growth. Have we forgotten, husbands, that we will be held accountable for how we love our wives at the Judgment Seat of Christ? That we will present our brides to the Lord Jesus Christ? It’s not the other way around. We’re responsible for them.
If we are to love our brides as Christ loves the church, we must also then have the responsibility to study and know what this great love is really all about. There’s no husband that can love his wife as Christ loves the church if he does not understand the love of Christ. If he has not committed himself to understanding how great this mystery is, that Jesus would love us the way that He does, and a man who has not experienced the love of Christ cannot love his wife as Christ commanded him.
So we as men ought to always be growing in our love for the Lord and for His Word, because the more we grow there, the more we can grow in our love for our wives.
If we want to be the man of the house, we’ve got to be a man of the Word, a man of Christ’s love for our brides.
The Apostle Peter tells us in 1 Peter:3:7Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
See All..., “Husbands, dwell with your wives with understanding, giving honor to the wife as to the weaker vessel, and being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.”
Our failure to love our wives as we ought to will result in prayers that the Lord refuses to hear. It’s quite the consequence. It’s quite the separation that I don’t think any man wants to experience before the Lord.
Now, Paul ends his command to the husbands with this: “Do not be bitter toward them.” Do not be bitter toward your wife. Now, we might think that what Paul has in mind here is, “Hey, don’t harbor bitterness.” That’s not really what he means. The word that Paul uses for “bitter” here is pikrós in Greek. It was originally a word that referred to the sharpened point of an arrow or a blade. It’s a penetrating effect. And eventually the word became an idiom used to describe actions and words which were considered sharp and penetrating and painful. Husbands, we’re commanded not to be sharp. We’re commanded not to be penetrating in how we lead and how we talk and how we act. We need to watch our words, and what we say. We need to watch our attitudes and our demeanor and our actions. We cannot be harsh, we must be gentle. We cannot be sharp, we must be patient.
And so to all the husbands in here who follow the Lord Jesus Christ, as I asked the wives, I must ask us as well: are we loving our wives even as Christ has loved us? Are we selfless, or are we selfish? Do we serve, or do we expect to be served? Are we gentle, or are we harsh? Do we criticize, or do we praise? We have a responsibility, and we will be held accountable for that responsibility as leaders and shepherds of our home. If you’re harsh, critical, and unloving toward your wife, you need to repent. And if you seriously want to know, just like I said to the wives, just ask your wife if there’s an area in your marriage that she feels unloved, dishonored, or criticized. Trust me, she knows! She knows. And don’t get defensive when she tells you, but just listen. It’ll turn into a great conversation that’ll hurt your pride, but it’ll be good. It’ll take your marriage to the next level.
Paul sums it all up very nicely in Ephesians:5:33Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
See All.... He says, “Let each of you in particular so love his wife as he loves himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”
More now than ever, as Christ, His return is at the doors, I really believe that, we need real godly men who love their wives, and we need real godly women who respect their husbands. Let us be determined to make our marriages Christ-like for the glory of the Lord.
I heard someone recently say this: If you want to reach the world for Christ, just go home and love your family. That’s a great start. Amen?
Let’s pray.
Lord, we do thank you for your Word. Thank you for Paul’s commands. And, Lord, I pray that we would take it seriously. There’s never a time, Lord, that these don’t apply. We never grow out of these commands, whether we’ve been married for a year or married for 50 years. There’s always an area, Lord, that you are sanctifying and working out in our hearts. Holy Spirit, I pray that you would show us that. Lord, that we would be able to have a transparent relationship with our spouses so that we can continue to grow in the roles that you’ve called us to.
Lord, thank you for giving us our spouse. So wonderful to us, and I pray, Lord, that you’d help us to serve them as you’ve called us to.
We do love you, Jesus, and we thank you so much for loving us as you do. We do pray that you’d come quickly. And we ask this in Jesus’ name, amen.
Thank you.